Number 10

Mike Tyson

Game: MikeTyson’s Punch Out

Console: Nintendo Release year: 1987

     Now I know what you’re thinking:  How could a complete ass like Mike Tyson make a Top Ten List other than the “Top Ten List of People Who Have the Personality of an Axe Murderer”?  Well, this list is about video game bosses, and in his video game (and in real life), Tyson was a true terror.  Anyone who has played the titular final boss of this game remembers the first minute thirty of the fight where all he did is throw his devastating Dynamite Punches.  These explosive uppercuts were telegraphed by a blue flash that lasted about a tenth of a second and failure to dodge meant you were put on your ass no matter how much health you had.  This is one of those bosses of three on the list that probably no one in history has beaten the first time playing through.  Or even the second.

Attributes: Extremely Difficult, Infamous

Number 9

Bowser

Game: Super Mario Bros. (and over forty others)

Consoles: All Nintendo Release Year: 1986-2008

     I’d be remiss if I didn’t include the most well known video game villain of all time who is just as infamous as his rival is famous.  Although oddly enough, unlike Mario’s other rival, Donkey Kong, Bowser has never appeared in his own game.  He has however graced a few more titles than Kong, being Mario’s nemesis in every Super Mario game (except 2, which wasn’t really even a Mario game).  Also this multitalented fire breathing menace has graced genres of all kinds: Tennis, Racing, Fighting, Platformer, Baseball, Basketball and even a couple of RPGs.  In spite of his mind blowing proliferation, the spiky shelled tyrant has never really put up too much of a fight.  From his minimalistic jump and breathe fire pattern in Super Mario Bros. to his more recent and a bit more complicated attack patterns in the 3-d Marios, Bowser is more known for consistency than effectiveness.  That is why he is way up here at number nine.  Plus, he’s just not as cool as some of the others on this list.

Attributes: Prolific, Infamous

Number 8

Dr. Wily

Game: Mega Man (1-8)

Consoles: Nintendo, Playstation Release Year: 1987

     Dr. Wily.  Anyone who was playing video games in the 80s knows who he is, even if they hated the perpetual Mega Man series and its undying antagonist.  Although rather lame in appearance, Wily’s aesthetics and coolness were outclassed by his many creations.  Great bosses like Elecman, Quickman, Snakeman (if only for his frenetic theme score), Napalmman, Pharaohman and of course, Yellow Demon are all reasons why Wily is on this list.  I would have put up Sigma from the Mega Man X series except that the niftier bosses from that series were not created by that primary evildoer.  And even though Wily looked like a strung out Christopher Lloyd from Back to the Future, his end game contraptions gave all players headaches.  Plus, every single game he seemed to die at the end and yet he returned for many a sequel.   It doesn’t hurt that the Mega Man franchise is the lord of longevity as a 2-D platformer.

Attributes: Undying, Creator, Infamous

Number 7

Ganon (A.K.A. Ganondorf)

Game: The Legend of Zelda (most of ‘em)

Console: Nintendo (all) Release Year: 1986 – 2008

     Ganon is the last boss on the list who is here because I would have felt guilty had I not included him.  Being more aesthetically pleasing to me and being part of a franchise that is my favorite of the last three entries puts him at number 7.  Has there ever been a bad Zelda game?  Oh, yeah… CD-i.  Don’t remind me.  And I don’t want to hear any complaints about Zelda 2: Adventure of Link.  Though Ganon did not make an appearance in that game it is one of my favorites, being the most RPG- like of the group.  Recently the teleporting, fireball spewing ogre has been making appearances in his more humanoid form, known as Ganondorf.  This incarnation has found a permanent spot on the Smash Bros. roster.  Maybe one day he will show up in some of the Mario spin-offs.  Who wouldn’t want to see the princess stealing, triforce coveting sorcerer in a cute little race kart?

Attributes: Undying, Teleporting, Infamous

Number 6

Ridley

Game: Metroid (most of ‘em)

Console: Nintendo (all but N64) Release Year: 1987 – 2007

     ‘What is this?’ you ask.  ‘Another boss from another Nintendo exclusive franchise?”  Yes, but this time I really like the guy.  I always have, ever since his first incarnation as the bouncing, fire breathing mass of bright red pixels to his newer, undead, pteranadon/dragon form.  Although all he does is scream, he is damn cool looking and what an oddly goody name for such a menacing presence.  I know some of you are thinking I should have put Mother Brain here instead but she kind of faded with the 16 bit era, unfortunately.  I never liked her quite as much, although she is damn cool and I would give a few choice fingers to see her in a new Metroid.  Ridley’s only real fault as a boss is he has never been difficult too defeat.

Attributes: Undying, Fire breathing, Awesome looking

Number 5

The Jaquio (a.k.a Guardia de Mieux)

Game: Ninja Gaiden 1 & 2

Console: Nintendo, Super Nintendo Release Year: 1989, 1990, 1995

     Nintendo again!?  Hey the new Ninja Gaidens are on X-Box even though our friend, Jaquio, doesn’t appear in them.  And that’s a shame because this demon-summoning psychopath has been a favorite of mine for a long time.  I mean, he forces you to try and kill your father in the first game, where Jaquio is a truly difficult fight until you figure out the pattern.  Unfortunately, he was surprisingly easy to beat in the second game but the real thugs of the series have always been the demons Jaquio summons after he “dies”.  Dies laughing that is.  And if giggling hysterically as you die in a pool of your own blood because you know the world is going to be devoured by the demon you just summoned is wrong, well I don’t ‘wanna be right.

Attributes: Insane, Summoner, Difficult to kill

Number 4

Dracula

Game: Castlevania (all of ‘em)

Console: Try to find one it hasn’t been released on Release Year:1987 – forever

     The Castlevania series has won Guinness World records for most games in a franchise and most platforms released on.  And Dracula has been in every one of those games.  Plus, he’s a literary figure as well.  And besides being a sorcerer of considerable skill, he has to drink blood to live and in his video game incarnations he transforms into some truly terrifying beasts.  But never mind all that because the guy is also a true player.  Vampires are the only undead who get to enjoy the benefits of being comely and our man Vlad is the king of them.  So whether he’s schmoozing the ladies for a tall glass of vitae or making you tear your hair out with his frustratingly difficult attacks in the early Castlevanias, Dracula is a true boss’s boss.

Attributes: Undying (fo’ real), Infamous, Shapechanger, Lady’s man

Number 3

Ballos

Game: Doukutsu Monogatari (Cave Story)

Console: PC (I know, I know) Release Year: 2004

     Ballos is easily the most obscure boss here and he is also BY FAR the most difficult to beat.  Although Cave Story is an Indie game released for the PC, it is at its heart, a console game and had it been released a decade ago it would have been released on a console.  It’s a 2-d game with 16-bit era style graphics and gameplay.   It is also one of the most polished and fun indie games ever to be released and one of the best games of its kind (adventure/platformer).  On that note, clearing the game and taking a little trip off the beaten path will land you the game’s final bonus level.  It is brutally difficult and timed as well.  I don’t care if you’ve never been challenged by a platformer before this, this level will TEST you and its boss, Ballos, will absolutely CRUSH you.  Repeatedly.  On top of being really really difficult to master, he has a pretty neat past.  Being the brother of a certain witch in the game, long ago he went mad in his quest for sorcerous power and was sentenced to imprisonment in the floating island’s core.  Ballos and his four forms are where elite gamers go to die.

Attributes: Insane, Multiformed, Unprecedentedly challenging

Number 2

Sephiroth

Game: Final Fantasy 7, Kingdom Hearts

Console: Playstation 1 & 2 Release Year: 1997, 2002

     Just the fact that if I made this list public I would receive thousands of vitriolic emails demanding to know why Sephiroth isn’t number 1 is enough to get him on the list.  And in IGNs most memorable Bosses list, he made the number one spot.  There’s also the fact that his history and personality are intriguing and that he is the final boss in one of the greatest RPGs of all time.  And I really do like him.  I don’t have enough time to detail Sephiroth’s complete story here so I’ll just go with a synopsis: he got really angry because he found out he was betrayed by his creators and decided to summon a meteor to destroy his own planet.  Which is actually one of his spells he uses in the final combat against him: who could forget Supernova? Basically, he casts a spell causing a star to go supernova but then the resulting explosion spews out a giant meteor which travels through the solar system absorbing planets and becoming bigger until it reaches the heroes.  Yeah, the animation lasted like ten seconds but I never got tired of watching it.  Plus, he killed Aerith.

Attributes: Megalomaniac, Insane, Really nifty looking as Safer Sephiroth, Infamous

Number 1

The Colossi

Game: Shadow of the Colossus

Console: Playstation 2 Release Year: 2005

     I had to go with the collective here considering the majority of the sixteen Colossi are fit to sit in this spot.  My personal favorite has to be the fifth.  Sure, he’s not the hardest to kill but it was during that fight that I achieved a kind of gamer’s bliss that only be found by jumping onto a gigantic 100 foot long hawk and stabbing it to death in midflight while trying to hang on for dear life.  I wish I could have found a decent screenshot of him.  Other notables include the aquatic electrocuting sea dragon, the laser breathing gecko, that weird one with the upside down teeth on its head and of course, the final colossus who gives you the feeling of invading a beach on D-Day as he fires his finger blasts at you while you try to reach him by ducking through tunnels and hiding behind cover.  Not to mention he was as tall as a skyscraper.  That is one aspect of all but two of these bosses that makes them so exciting: their sheer size.  Plus, you felt bad after killing them.  I mean they were just big fuzzy dudes or animals just minding their own business until you had to come along and climb all over them, stabbing their tickly parts.  And so the crown goes to the gigantic majesty of the Colossi, who in their originality and design, I don’t see becoming dethroned any time in the near or distant future.

Attributes: Enormous, Beautiful, Ingeniously conceived, Awe-inspiring, Fuzzy

-jr

Note:  All release years in this document are for the North American releases of their respective titles, the Japanese release dates would typically be a year earlier.

Note: All images on this page are public domain and were taken off the internet.